Bravenet Guestmap

Show me where you came from !
Free Guestmap from Free Guestmap from

Friday, September 29, 2006

Beware Islamic Terrorist Squirrels !

An aggressive Islamic Terrorist Squirrel pounced on a 4-year-old boy in an attack last week in Cuesta Park in Mountain View, Calif.

The attack happened as the boy's mother unwrapped a muffin during a picnic.

"The infidel dared to unwrap a muffin during the holy month of Ramadan in public and in full view of us peaceful Muslim squirrels ! It is Allah's will that we attack those that would do insult to our peaceful religion ! Allah Akbar !" said Suhayb Majd Squirrel.

The attack is not the first one reported at the park.

Mountain View Community Services Director David Muela said that as many as six people have been bitten or scratched by radical extremist squirrels since May, and that the attacks have become more ferocious in the last month, which is the Muslim month of Ramadan. It is considered the most venerated, blessed and holiest month. Prayers, fasting, self-accountability and charity have special association with Ramadan.

"We, by the grace of Allah, are seeking to exact revenge on behalf of Islam and Muslims from you and your snacks ! Allah Akbar !" exclaimed Sheikh Khalid Squirrel.

In response to attacks, the city of Mountain View has announced it plans to start trapping and killing the terrorist tree squirrels.

Democrats were quick to protect the rights of the squirrels.

"The torture and other sadistic abuses of squirrels in the park have done immense damage already to America's reputation in the world, and the worst may be yet to come. Shamefully, we now learn that Saddam's torture chambers reopened under new management, park management." said Senator Edward Kennedy.

John Murtha said "80% of squirrels are strongly opposed to the presence of park workers ." and "The continued presence of park workers in the park is uniting the squirrels against us."

"What he has said has great wisdom," Pelosi said of her colleague on Wednesday. "While the president is digging a hole, Mr. Murtha is speaking from the light of day about the realities in the park, and so yes, I am supporting Mr. Murtha's proposal."

Over the next three weeks, park workers will set tube-like traps in the trees of Cuesta Park and euthanize captured squirrels "in a humane way," said David Muela, Mountain View's community services director.

Ironically, efforts to curb the behavior may have exacerbated the Peaceful Islamic Squirrels' aggressive tendencies, Muela said.

"We passed a city ordinance that required women to wear burkas in the park and to segregate female and male patrons to different areas of the park to avoid tensions with the peaceful Muslim squirrels." said Muela.

Increased park ranger patrols and flier distributions cautioning against feeding the animals frenzy might have further cut the squirrels' inhibitions, prompting them to act more assertively in their quest for jihad.

A recent NIE report that was leaked by the ever patriotic New York Times indicated that the strong response in the park was generating more terrorism. This includes an unusual alliance between the Islamic Terrorist Squirrels and the Islamic Terrorist Kittens.

"You have no chance to survive make your time."

In a world where rodents and felines unite, how can we prevail ?

Squirrels in the news:

Abdullah ibn Umm Maktum Squirrel (AKA I'm dull, eh ? I'd been... Umm... Uh... Umm... Dude... What ? Maked Um wear what ? Squirrel)
Proof that even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut, the Milwaukee County Board made the right decision and sold a parcel of the old Park East Freeway land on the northern edge of Milwaukee, to a company that will build a luxury hotel, condominiums, offices and retail space.
But to what end ? To finance the global Squirrel Jihad ?

"Allah At a bar !" explained I'm dull, eh ? I'd been... Umm... Uh... Umm... Dude... What ? Maked Um wear what ? Squirrel

No comments: