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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Global Warming, Is There Anything It Doesn't Cause ?

Global Warming May Increase Kidney Stones

More Americans are likely to suffer from kidney stones in the coming years as a result of global warming, according to researchers at the University of Texas, an establishment that was once a respected institution.
Kidney stones, which are formed from dissolved minerals in the urine and can be extremely painful, are often caused by caused by dehydration, either by not drinking enough liquid or losing too much due to high heat conditions. Because there is no evidence that global temperatures have actually increased significantly in the last century, only:
1) idiots would make a connection where none exists.
2) greedy bastards see others making fortunes off of the Global Warming Scam and seek someway to connect their "research" to Global Warming.

If global warming trends continue as projected by the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (note they're now trying to call it "Climate Change" instead of "Global Warming" because there's no proof of any warming, then again, there's no proof of the climate changing) in 2007, the United States can expect as much as a 30 percent growth in kidney stone disease in some of its driest areas, said the findings published in Monday's Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The increased incidence of disease would represent between 1.6 million and 2.2 million cases by 2050, costing the US economy as much as one billion dollars in treatment costs and bogus research into Global Warming and all the crap it supposedly causes.

"This study is one of the first examples of global warming causing a direct medical consequence for humans," said Margaret Pearle, professor of urology at University of Texas Southwestern and senior author of the paper who hopes to cash in on the Global Warming Hoax. She conveniently does not bring up the very real problem of food shortages (as we turn efficient food into inefficient fuel) that are currently causing real medical consequence for humans caused by stupid government policies designed to fight the hoax of Global Warming.

"When people relocate from areas of moderate temperature to areas with warmer climates, a rapid increase in stone risk has been observed. This has been shown in military deployments to the Middle East for instance." Wow, by using pretzel logic she gets to tie Global Warming to the military deployments to Middle East ! What a two-fer !

The lead author of the research, Tom Brikowski, compared kidney stone rates with UN forecasts of temperature increases and created two mathematical models to predict the impact on future populations. Of course the math used to predict Global Warming is flawed and convoluted, but the math used to predict how much funding he can get by tying his research to the Global Warming Hoax is pretty easy.

One formula showed an increase in the southern half of the country, including the already existing "kidney stone belt" of the southeastern states of Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee.

The other showed that the increase would be concentrated in the upper Midwest. So just like Global Warming predictions, if he sees any increase in either location he can say, "See ? I was right !" and get even more funding.

"Similar climate-related changes in the prevalence of kidney-stone disease can be expected in other stone belts worldwide," the study said.


I'm sure Global Warming also causes erectile dysfunction, psoriasis, halitosis, bipolar disorder and cognitive degeneration. Oh wait, those are all symptoms of being a liberal (or someone that actually believes in Global Warming).

Watch in horror as this poor man gets kidney stones from global warming !



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4 comments:

Katie Lynn said...

It was nice reding the post but i was amazed to find the line "I'm sure Global Warming also causes erectile dysfunction", is it so? Then i think the company manufacturing Viagra
should have more profit and sales and all men will be at loss!

Anonymous said...

I believe global warming is directly linked to taxpayer dollars.

Noah Bawdy™ said...

katie lynn,
It's on the InterNet so it must be so ! Not only the men would be at a loss, the women that like men with uh... functioning parts would be at a loss ! I for one am investing in Pfizer stock ! ;-)

Noah Bawdy™ said...

Derica Lorraine,
Hmmm... good point. I think I'll do some research on that. Use pie charts and such. People love pie charts.