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Saturday, September 29, 2007

U.S. Executes Terrorist Squirrel

Animal rights activists and squirrels alike are expressing outrage today, after a New York squirrel who grounded an American Airlines Flight was put to death. On February 14, Rocky, as the squirrel was known to friends, slipped past security and boarded a flight to Honolulu, Hawaii.

Rocky remained hidden within the Boeing 777 through the stop in Tokyo, but was discovered by pilots on route to Dallas Texas.

John Hotard, spokesman for the Fort Worth, Texas-based airline told CNN, "You do not want a varmint up in the wiring areas and what-have-you on an airplane. You don't want anything up there,"

The flight was diverted to Honolulu and all 202 passengers were given rooms in hotels for the night. Rocky, however, was not so comfortably treated. Rocky was captured by state wildlife officials and immediately executed.

Annie Blort, an animal rights activist and lawyer with the AACLU, (American Animal's Civil Liberty Union) is representing the family of Rocky the squirrel in a civil rights lawsuit against the state of Hawaii, "This is unconscionable, not only was my client denied due process and a fair trial, he was never proven a threat to the flight or it's passengers." Blort went on to comment that no explosive devices or weapons of any kind could be found on the squirrel, and that Rocky was just a mixed-up squirrel looking for a free ride. "This is a case of sqirrelism at its worst" Blort concluded.

Carl Fonteraine, a man who promised me that he was a press representative to the White Hose, had this to say, "Enemy Insurgent Squirrels are not afforded the same rights as law abiding squirrels under the Patriot Act. We have the right to detain, and yes, even execute them. Their participation in terrorist activity puts them in a different category."

When asked what the motivations of a terrorist squirrel might be, Fonteraine had this to say, "Squirrel insurgency has seen a sharp rise in recent years, although we have not yet made a provable link between the squirrels and Al-Quaeda, we know one is there. The fact that this is an American squirrel is what I find most disturbing."

Rocky's mother however, a portly middle aged New York squirrel named Florence, told a different story. "My son was a good squirrel." She said, "He had been mixed up in cashews, but he was getting his life back together. He wasn't no terrorist. They didn't have to kill him."

Actually, she didn't say any of that. She just chattered her little teeth and rolled an acorn in her paws. She's a squirrel, after all.

The incident reported was true. Annie Blort and Carl Fonteraine do not exist.


Nice to know "Professionals" are stealing my bits.


Hat Tip: SnM

Bubba, A Short Story... With Pictures

Once upon a time...

Bubba meets the girl of his dreams, his first cousin Emmy Lou.

He takes her out for a special dinner, and shows her a good time at the Redneck Carnival at Diggerland.

The next day they spend together and Bubba shows off his water skiing skills.

Later that night, he romances her under special mood lighting.

A week or so later, Bubba realizes this relationship is getting serious.
He makes reservations for a Valentine's Day dinner. Emmy Lou was so impressed with his thoughtfulness...

They had a special Friday night date at the Soap & Suds Laundromat !

A month later he proposes to Emmy Lou.

He buys her a really purdy engagement ring.

On the day of their wedding, he tells her how much he loves her just before the ceremony.

Then they're off to their Honeymoon Suite.

They open their wedding gifts. Their favorites ?

Hers was the Chandelier.

His was the New BBQ.

Bubba takes his new bride home.

He wants to tidy up the place, so he cuts the grass with his riding mower.

Then Bubba decides to fix a few things around the house.
He makes the bathroom a little nicer for his sweetie.

He repairs the mirror on her car.

Click on the Pic to enlarge.

He installs a new flat screen TV in the living room !

Bubba works hard at his job every day. He does the best that he can with only a 5th grade education.

7 months later, they send out announcements. Bubba Jr. has arrived !

Now they are a family. They are so proud of Jr. and marvel at how he gets cuter every day.

8 years later, Jr. starts kindergarten. Jr. loves riding on the School Bus.

After 3 years in kindergarten, Jr. finally graduates to first grade.
To celebrate, Bubba takes Jr. and his classmates on a field trip.

Shortly thereafter, Bubba and the family move to a different state and settle into their new DREAM HOME on the river...

Where they live happily ever after !

The End

I love happy endings.

Hat Tip: Bill


Click on the Pic to play.

Windows Media Player (3.6 MB).

Hat Tip: Bill

Made By Human Hands

Click on the Pic to play.

Power Point Presentation (2.7 MB).

Hat Tip: Mom

A Wish Upon A Star

Click on the Pic to enlarge.

Finally, a way to end racial strife and bigotry.

Hat Tip: Bill

Sam, The Scottish Shoplifting Seagull

A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.

The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.

The seagull, nicknamed Sam, has now become so popular that locals have started paying for his stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny.

"He's got it down to a fine art. He waits until there are no customers around and I'm standing behind the till, then he raids the place.

"At first I didn't believe a seagull was capable of stealing crisps. But I saw it with my own eyes and I was surprised. He's very good at it.

Hat Tip: Bill

Here's To You Mr. Company Computer Guy !

Here's to you, Mr. Company Computer Guy !
Click the pic to play. (MP3 609KB)

Hat Tip: Mike

Shooting Stars

Click on the Pic to play.

(Windows Media Player 2MB)

Hat Tip: Mom

I Want You

Hat Tip: Sue