A Chimp Tells The Penguin Joke

Click on the pic to play.
Windows Media (1.5 MB)

Penguins love ice cream.

Hat Tip: Mike

Funny Line Of The Day

So a baby seal walks into a club...

Hawkeye The Scuba-Cat

Click on the pic to play

Kewl video. Windows Media (3.6 MB)

He must have to change the pool filter a lot...

Hat Tip: Mom

Kite Surfer

Click on the pic to play

Funny Commercial. Windows Media (1.5 MB)

Hat Tip: Mike.

McCain Is Delusional

Sen. John McCain said Friday that only "contracting a fatal disease" will cause him to drop out of the presidential race before the primaries begin, as he vowed to take his campaign directly to the voters of New Hampshire and other early-voting states as a means of compensating for his financial difficulties.

McCain, R-Ariz., told reporters after a speech in Concord, N.H., that he will concentrate more on town-hall meetings and bus-tour campaigning to connect with voters. He vowed to fix the fund-raising woes that have left him with just $2 million in his campaign account, but suggested that money won't be the determining factor in New Hampshire or elsewhere.

"Fix the fund-raising woes" ? Yeah, good luck with that.
Your own bills are a fatal disease, politically speaking !
At this point Ron Paul stands a better chance of getting the nomination than McCain does. You can't piss on the base with crap like McCain-Feingold, then piss off the base with McCain-Kennedy and then expect people to vote for you (let alone send you money). Only someone that has lost all touch with reality would think he still stands a chance.

"My position on immigration was obviously not helpful with the Republican base."

Gee, ya think ?

I think my position with the war in Iraq has not helpful with independents," he said. "But I take responsibility for those positions, as well as taking responsibilities for any -- quote -- 'problems' that we had within the campaign."

Ya think maybe the 'problems' you've had with your campaign might have something to do with the fact the monetary contributions from and the votes of the Republican base are the only way to win the Republican nomination ? Seems kind of a duh to me McCain.
Tell you what John, try performing an abortion on a woman whose gun you confiscated, then steal money from her to give to the "disadvantaged fill-in-the-blank". Don't forget to say how the government should pay for the abortion too. Maybe that will get the base to back you. It would work as well as anything else you've done.

Global Warming Causes First Snowfall In 89 Years For Buenos Aires

Argentina's capital, Buenos Aires, has seen snow for the first time in 89 years, as a cold snap continues to grip several South American nations. Temperatures plunged to -22C (-8F) in parts of Argentina's province of Rio Negro, while snow fell on Buenos Aires for several hours on Monday. Two deaths from exposure were reported in Argentina and one in Chile.
In Bolivia, heavy snowfall blocked the nation's main motorway and forced the closure of several airports.
In Argentina, several provinces in the Andes have been placed under a storm alert, according to the national weather centre.
But thousands of people cheered in the streets of Buenos Aires at the sight of the capital's first snowfall since 1918.
"Despite all my years, this is the first time I've ever seen snow in Buenos Aires," 82-year-old Juana Benitez was quoted as saying by the Associated Press news agency.

Stupid Global Warming.

Sign The Secure Borders Now Online Petition

Senator James Inhofe, R-OK has an online petition drive to get grassroots action on immigration that focuses on securing the nation's borders.

You can find the petition at www.SecureBordersNow.com.

Hat Tip: Captain Ed

Quote Of The Day

What's this you say? Hamas and Fatah senselessly murdering each other willy nilly? Why, I haven't been this upset since the last time I got a blow job. - Big E:

Hat Tip: Ace Of Spades

Lion, Tiger Kill Man, Oh My !

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A lion and a tiger kept as exotic pets on the roof of a Mexican meat processing plant killed a man feeding them on Monday, Mexican media said.
Caretaker Angel Aguilar, 56, was taking pieces of chicken to feed the two big cats when the lion swiped at him through the bars of its cage and pulled him inside, Reforma daily said. The tiger then joined in the attack.
Paramedics arrived at the plant in the rough Mexico City neighbourhood of Iztapalapa while the man was still alive but they could not get past the animals to treat him.
The two big cats, which had separate quarters of a big cage but came together to eat, were according to reports kept by the plant's owner as pets and in good condition.
After the attack, which left scraps of bloodstained clothing on the floor of the cage, the animals were sedated and the tiger's jaws tied around a chunk of wood.
The tiger later died, apparently of suffocation, after being transported by animal protection authorities to a nearby zoo in a small container. The lion survived the journey.

No word on where the bear was during the incident.

Bad URL Names

Always read your website name thoroughly before you register it.... think of these and wonder... why didn't they think before they paid for this ?


powergenitalia.com - PowerGen, Italy
penisland.com - company Pen Island
therapistfinder.com - Therapist Finder
whorepresents.com - company Who Represents
expertsexchange.com - Experts Exchange

Het Tip: Erica B.

Hi, I'm A Marvel...And I'm A DC. (Mac PC Parody)

I don't know if this is funny to people that were never into comics... but I thought these videos were great !

Hat tip: Jeff

Your Two Legged Puppy Authority !

Respect my Authority !

Google knows all !

Google is most wise !

Today the great and powerful Google has deemed this site to be the foremost authority on two legged puppies !

All thanks to this post.



I don't know why I get such a kick out of that...




Maybe I should get some help...

Ron Paul Likes To Kick Two Legged Chihuahua Puppies !

Two legged Chihuahua puppy ready for an ass kick
Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul
Cindy Sheehan holds the puppies down while he does it. All the while Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears watch and giggle like school girls.
Cindy Sheehan Cindy Sheehan Cindy Sheehan Cindy Sheehan
That's what I heard.
Lindsay Lohan Lindsay Lohan Lindsay Lohan Lindsay Lohan
Maybe I misinterpreted...
Britney Spears Britney Spears Britney Spears Britney Spears
They were speaking Mexican or something...
Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul
Never mind.

(That should get some hits)

;-)


Oh... did I forget to mention Rosie O'Donnell likes to snack on Two Legged Chihuahua Puppies ?
Rosie O'Donnell Rosie O'Donnell Rosie O'Donnell Rosie O'Donnell

Two Legged Puppies

Precious Pups Born Without Front Legs

PORT WASHINGTON, N.Y. Three puppies at the North Shore Animal League were born missing both of their front legs, and while they're stealing the hearts of the center's employees, they're now in need of good homes.

The 4-month-old chihuahua siblings, Carmen, Pablo, and Venus were all born without front legs, but they are otherwise perfectly healthy, happy, and full of life. "They are healthy dogs that don't know that they have something wrong, and since they have each other, they are happy," said Donna Imhoff, Senior Veterinarian at the NSAL.

To get around, the puppies hop on their hind legs. Still, there are now hopes that a special wheeled device could be developed.

"If some kind of body-glove could be made, kind of like a scuba diver would wear, with wheels on them, then that piece could grow with the puppies," Yohannan said.

Anyone interested in giving Carmen, Pablo, and Venus a loving home, the shelter would prefer to keep them together. For more information and to track the puppies' progress online, click here.

They're so cute ! I'd love to have a two legged puppy !
I've wanted one ever since I first saw Faith !



But two legged chihuahuas ! How cute would that be ?!?
Plus it's a well known fact that chicks dig two legged chihuahua puppies !

Port Washington, New York is a bit of a drive though.
So I decided to check the local animal shelters instead.
It turns out that puppies being born that way is pretty rare, but they did have a lot of four legged puppies.

So I picked one up and then drove over to the hardware store to buy an axe.

Stupid thing wouldn't stop squirming and, well... I chopped the wrong darn thing off !



Click the pic to play the video

Oh well... guess I need to go back to the shelter and try again.

Update:

It occurred to me that I can use the spare legs and penis to make a puppy with six legs and two penises !



A little glue, some sutures, and presto ! Sextapuppy ! Or Octapuppy if you count the penises.

I had wanted to create a six legged two penised (two penie ?) chihuahua puppy, but with the price of gas I couldn't justify driving to the shelter again. Besides, my neighbor never leashes his puppy so I figured what the heck !

Neighbor: "What are you doing with my puppy ?"
Me: "Your puppy ? Does your puppy have six legs and two penises ?"
Neighbor: "Well... er... no."
Me: "Then get off my lawn or I'll sic my two legged chihuahua on you !"

People really hate having two legged chihuahuas snipping at their heels. Tends to freak them out.

I think the puppy turned out much better than my attempt to create a two faced kitten.



Or the time I tried creating a cyclops kitten.



Kittens just aren't durable enough I guess.

Now, if I can only create a four assed monkey...



Chicks really dig four assed monkeys !
Except when they start flinging their poo... that part chicks don't dig so much...

Update 5/29/2007:

Today if you type in "two legged puppies" at Google, I'm third in the list !
Guess that makes me an expert !


Update 5/29/2007:

Also if you type in "six legged chihuahua" at Google, I'm first in the list !

Guess that makes me the expert that other experts turn to so they can become all expertized in the field of six legged Chihuahua expertise !

(even though I didn't technically create a six legged Chihuahua, just used parts of Chihuahuas to create a six legged puppy).

When DNA Testing Just Isn't Enough

Twin brothers Raymon and Richard Miller are the father and uncle to a 3-year-old little girl. The problem is, they don't know which is which. Or who is who.


Raymon And Richard Miller
The identical Missouri twins say they were unknowingly having sex with the same woman. And according to the woman's testimony, she had sex with each man on the same day. Within hours of each other.

a paternity test in this case could not help. The test showed that both brothers have over a 99.9 percent probability of being the daddy— and neither one wants to pay the child support.

As for the child support, Gaensslen has his own suggestion as to who should be paying. "Split it down the middle," he told ABC News. "They both played, so they should both pay."

52

So at the end of DC Comic's series 52 it's revealed that 52 identical universes were created when Luthor's tower was destroyed.
Does that mean there's 52 Superboy Primes ?
That would be bad.
Very bad.

Whores For Hillary

Jenna Jameson, who's been called the world's most famous porn star and is the author of the New York Times bestseller "How To Make Love Like a Porn Star," talked about Hillary Clinton in an interview with PR.com.

More famous than Stacey Donovan ? Dream on girl !

"I love Hillary. I think that in some ways she's pretty conservative for a Democrat, but I would love to have a woman in office. I think that it would be a step in the right direction for our country, and there would be less focus on war and more focus on bettering society."
"The Clinton administration was the best years for the adult industry and I wish that Clinton would run again."

Well, I never considered voting for the Hilderbeast before... but if it helps the porn industry I may have to reconsider !

Flickrvision

Flickrvision - Watch a real-time display of the pictures being uploaded to Flickr, with geographical locations.
I can see me wasting hours watching this in a drunken stupor.

Also check out the sister site Twittervision.

Hat Tip: Fark.

The Illuminiods - Lose It Punk

"Lose it Punk" - A fun mashup of Teddybears/Iggy Pop "Punkrocker" vs. Eminem's "Lose It".

MyBlogLog

I just added a link to MyBlogLog. It's kind of a neat way to see who's been visting your site. For all the members of MyBlogLog, place your pin in my guest map !