Islamic Terrorist Squirrel Attacks Resume In Moutain View Park

Camouflaged Squirrel



Hayley Allard

Mountain View, Ca - “He thought I was stealing his chips when he was stealing my chips!” That’s how four-year-old Hayley Allard described what happened Thursday when an Islamic Terrorist Squirrel attacked her in Mountain View’s Cuesta Park.

“He was getting my Sun Chips. I reached over to get them and he jumped right in my face and started scratching it,” the girl said.

"All your chips are belong to us !" exclaimed Suhayb Majd Squirrel. "It is by the will of Allah that I demand jizya from you in the form of chips !"

“It was frightening,” said her mother, Debbie Allard. “It was a very scary thing to have happened. It was traumatizing.”

Islamic Terrorist Squirrels in Cuesta Park have attacked at least 20 people since last spring in an ongoing Jihad. Hayley had to get a tetanus shot. Her doctor decided she didn’t need one for rabies. There are signs in the children’s play area warning about aggressive Islamic squirrels and prohibiting food (especially pork), but the Allard family doesn’t feel that’s practical.

“You can put up signs and you can tell people not to have things, but when you have more than one person, like if you have two small children, it’s really hard to do a full body search on everybody to make sure there’s no food,” said Dave Allard, Hayley’s father.

The city has placed traps throughout the park using strollers as part of the bait system, but so far has only caught one squirrel, now considered a martyr by the other squirrels. "He is an ispiration to the rest of the Mujahideen." said Mohammed Shakil Squirrel. "Allāhu Akbar !". The Allards want the children’s play area shut down and fenced off until all the aggressive Islamic squirrels are trapped. While parents at the park are surprised to hear about the latest attacks, many don’t want to see the play area closed off.

“That’s a little too drastic. Everybody’s playing here, a lot of people,” said Dennis Kanyga of Mountain View.

“I think the ultimate responsibility is up to who’s here with the children,” said Los Altos resident Kyuri Doeden, who was at the park with her son.

Mountain View’s community services director told CBS 5 by phone the park will remain open, but the Allard family doesn’t plan to come back.

“I don’t think it’s a safe place for children to be in until they solve this Muslim problem,” said Debbie Allard.

City officials said park visitors created the problem when they fed the squirrels. The Muslims are now so brazen, they look to infidels for food and will attack to get it.


"The park is part of Dar al-Islam and as such is subject to sharia ! We demand chips from the infidels !" exclaimed Sheikh Khalid Squirrel.

Zoo Tiger Mauls Child To Death

Beijing - A six-year-old girl was mauled to death by a performing tiger at a zoo in China as she was being photographed with the animal, state press said
on Friday.
The attack occurred on Thursday at the Kunming Zoo in Yunnan province. The animal lunged at the girl's head when a flashbulb went off as the child was being photographed, the Kunming Daily reported.
The tiger held the child's head in its mouth for over a minute as frantic trainers beat the animal with clubs and a chair, trying to force it to let go of the girl, identified as Rui Xin.
She was rushed to hospital, where she was pronounced dead with a crushed skull. Her mother was also bitten on the arm.
The male tiger had been performing at the zoo since May 2005, the paper said. Visitors paid 15 yuan (around $2) for a photo with the animal.

You know why the tiger did that ?
'cause it's a tiger.

No word on how the picture came out.

Police Seize 280 Rare Pangolins

Pangolin Pup

Bangkok- Thai border policemen have seized 280 rare pangolins in southern Thailand but the man transporting them got away, officials said Saturday.
The pangolins, a rare scaly ant-eating mammal found in tropical Asia and Africa, were probably bound for cooking pots in China where they are considered an aphrodisiac and thought to increase longevity, officials said.

Is there anything the Chinese don't eat as an aphrodisiac ? Why don't they just take viagra like everyone else ? It's a lot less work.
They do look kinda yummy though...

They were most likely smuggled from Indonesia through Malaysia and found in Songkhla Province, 700 kilometres south of Bangkok, and worth at least 5 million baht (150,000 dollars).

That's a lot of baht, that'll buy a lot of beer.

Police said they will give the pangolins, based on the Malaya word that means "something that rolls up", to the Forest Department in hopes they can release them back into the wild.

Stupid Global Warming Repairs Update

Well, I've gotten through fixing posts up to Sunday, September 18, 2005. My links were broken from that ice storm caused by stupid global warming that had my power out for a week. It's getting there. On the plus side the new blogger seems to load the site much faster. I love the labels feature, makes cross-referencing a snap and people can browse topics that they're interested in. Sweet. I hope to have the site repaired by next week if stupid global warming doesn't dump more ice on me. CYA L8R !

Bush: I'll Bring Troops Home On JetBlue

Under increased pressure to announce an exit strategy from Iraq, President George W. Bush revealed plans today to bring U.S. troops home on the budget airlines JetBlue.

Mr. Bush received praise for his decision to withdraw American troops, but his choice of JetBlue to transport them raised more than a few eyebrows.

According to most official estimates, with its recent spate of scheduling problems and flight delays, JetBlue could take up to seven years to bring U.S. troops home, and possibly ten years in the event of inclement weather.

But at a press conference at the White House today, the president argued that the selection of Jet Blue was "crucial" to the success of his latest exit strategy.

"Setting an exact timetable for a withdrawal from Iraq would be playing right into the enemy's hands," Mr. Bush said. "By going with JetBlue, our enemy will have no idea when we're leaving."

To emphasizes his point, Mr. Bush added, "And neither will we."

Across Iraq, U.S. GIs were hopeful that the news about JetBlue meant that they would be home by Christmas, or at least by Easter 2012.

At JetBlue headquarters in Forest Hills, New York, CEO David Neeleman said that it was "flattering" to be chosen to play such a critical role in President Bush's new exit strategy, but wondered if his embattled airlines has what it takes to bring troops home from Iraq.

"We're still having a hard time getting people home to Fort Myers," Mr. Neeleman said.

Elsewhere, Britain and Denmark announced that they were joining "The Coalition of the Leaving."

Found Over At: YubaNet

First Beaver Spotted In NYC In 200 Years

José The Beaver

They wrote a song about him. It goes something like, "José can you see, by the dawn's early light ?""

Beavers grace New York City's official seal. But the industrious rodents have not been seen in the flesh here for as many as 200 years - until this week.

Biologists videotaped a beaver swimming up the Bronx River on Wednesday. Its twig-and-mud lodge had been spotted earlier on the river bank, but the tape confirmed the presence of the animal itself.

"It had to happen because beaver populations are expanding, and their habitats are shrinking," said Dietland Muller-Schwarze, a beaver expert at the State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry in Syracuse. "We're probably going to see more of them in the future."

Beavers gnawed out a prominent place in the city's early days as a European settlement, attracting fur traders to a nascent Manhattan. The animal appears in the city seal to symbolize a Dutch trading company that factored in the city's colonial beginnings, according to the city's Web site.

But amid heavy trapping, beavers disappeared from the city in the early 1800s, according to the city Parks & Recreation Department.

The beaver that has made its way to the Bronx appears to be a male, several feet (a meter) long and two or three years old, said Patrick Thomas, the mammals curator at the nearby Bronx Zoo.

Biologists have nicknamed the animal "Jose," as a tribute to U.S. Rep. Jose Serrano's work to revive the river. The Bronx Democrat lined up federal money for a cleanup.

"But I don't know to what extent I imagined things living in it again," he said.

Beaver returns to New York City

“Having beavers back in the Bronx River is certainly one of our proudest achievements,” said Linda Cox, Bronx River Administrator for the New York City Parks Department and executive director of the Bronx River Alliance, which was created in 2001 to help restore and protect the Bronx River corridor and greenway. “It’s proof positive that our efforts to bring the river back to ecological health have been successful. We look forward to beaver watching in the spring!”

I look forward to it too Ms. Cox.

Feel free to make your own sophomoric jokes.

Vilsack Drops Out Of Presidential Race

Tom Vilsack

I turned to my co-worker and said, "Vilsack's dropped out of the Presidential race."
He said, "Who ?"
I said, "Exactly."

He couldn't compete with the three ring circus of Clinton/Obama/Edwards.

Now that he's cut and run from the race, he should be up in the polls. DemocRats love quitters.

Chalk Another One Up For The Infidels

Mahmoud Abu Abuyed, Ex-Terrorist

Undercover Border Policemen kill Jenin-area Islamic Jihad chief

Undercover Border Police troops killed an Islamic Jihad commander in the West Bank town of Jenin on Wednesday, one day after a suicide bombing attempt he allegedly ordered was thwarted in Tel Aviv.

The slain man terrorist was identified as Mahmoud Abu Ubayed, 24, commander of Islamic Jihad in areas near Jenin. Witnesses said Abu Ubayed was driving his car (minding his own business) near the Yihya Ayyash Square in Jenin when undercover troops in civilian clothing surprised him and sprayed the vehicle with bullets. (surprise !) The square was named for a Hamas bombing mastermind killed in an Israeli-ordered attack in 1996.

The Israel Defense Forces commander of the Jenin area, Lieutenant General Hertsi Halevi, said Abu Ubayed was the Islamic Jihad's leading explosives expert, and that recently the IDF had been making a concerted effort to arrest him due to the fact that he had significantly improved the (terrorist) organization's bomb-making capability.

Abu Ubayed was also the one who announced that the Islamic Jihad was behind Tuesday's failed suicide bombing attempt in Tel Aviv.

According to Halevi, the undercover troops followed Abu Ubayed's car, but Abu Ubayed noticed them and aimed his weapon at them. The Border Policemen then opened fire from a distance of four meters.

Palestinian Authority police officers who arrived at the scene were disarmed by the border policemen.

Islamic Jihad on Wednesday vowed retaliation for Ubayed's killing.

"The Zionist enemy's crimes and killing will not effect our resistance program and God willing today's crime will not pass without revenge and revenge will be soon," the group said.

Killing terrorists isn't a crime, it's a sport.

The planned large-scale attack in the Tel Aviv area was prevented Tuesday when police and security forces arrested an Islamic Jihad militant terrorist and his partners at an apartment in Bat Yam.

According to the IDF, Abu Ubayed dispatched the suspected bomber, a resident of a village near Jenin. Islamic Jihad last carried out a suicide attack in Israel on January 29, when three people were killed in the Red Sea resort of Eilat.

The bomber caught had given Ubayed's name during interrogation, Army Radio reported. The IDF said that Ubayed had supplied the bomber with the explosives.

The suspect told police where the explosive device he was supposed to use in the attack was located and the bomb squad found the large device in a garbage can in the center of Rishon Letzion.

The United States has placed a bounty on the head of Islamic Jihad, Ramadan Shalah, based in Damascus, and the organization has warned that if its leader is harmed it will also target American interests.

When did they stop targeting American interests?

Hat Tip: Power Line

You Can Beat Them But It Does No Good

Elkhart In - Mother Accused of Beating 9-Year-Old's Head into Brick Wall in Front of Teacher.

A 9-year-old boy was in protective custody after his mother slapped him and hit his head against a brick wall in front of a teacher, then dragged him in front of the class and invited his classmates to make fun of him, police said.

The incident started Tuesday when the boy's mother was called to Hawthorne Elementary for a disciplinary problem, Elkhart police Cpl. Frank Owens said. The teacher and the boy were outside the classroom waiting for her.

The mother told the teacher she beats the boy but it does no good, Owens said. When she asked the teacher if she could go to jail for beating the boy, the teacher answered yes.

According to police, the mother replied: "I don't care who sees it."

Police say she then slapped the boy and pounded his head repeatedly into a brick wall.

The teacher tried to intervene by allowing the boy to return to the classroom, but the mother dragged her son into the room. In front of his classmates, she pulled on his lip and invited the students to make fun of his teeth, police said.

She jerked his arm and tried to embarrass the boy, Owens said. The teacher ordered the woman to leave.

When police arrived, the boy's face was bruised and his lip was bleeding and his mother already had left. The boy was placed in a foster home. No charges have been filed, and police are still investigating, Detective Lt. Peggy Snider said Thursday.

Police Say Mother Beat Child at School

What's Wrong With "High Maintenance Bitch" ?

High Maintenance Bitch

So here we have a bunch of bitches bitching about the word bitch.

Seattle, Wa - Dog Store Sign Angers Seattle Residents

A newly opened store catering to very pampered dogs, especially female dogs, is getting more than questioning looks for its name, High Maintenance Bitch.

Yes, the web site is www.highmaintenancebitch.com.

The third word in the sign is widely visible at North 45th Street and Wallingford Avenue North, one of the main intersections in the Wallingford neighborhood business west of Interstate 5 and north of the Lake Washington Ship Canal.

"I am probably the most progressive liberal person in the world and I am personally offended by the sign," said Janet Stillman, executive director of the Wallingford Neighborhood Office. "It's so blatant and so in your face."

The sign is the issue more than products such as Gel-ous Bitch bath gel and Street Walker paw cleanser, said Kara Ceriello, co-president of the Wallingford Chamber of Commerce.

Ceriello said she supports the store but has heard complaints from about a dozen people.

"It is going to be a hot issue again when we get to our Wallingford Kiddie Parade and Street Fair," she said.

Stillman said the sign could wreck family photographs of the parade, scheduled for July 7.

That's why God made PhotoShop.

"Walk by there with your 5-year-old and try to explain why that sign is there. Half of the sign is made up of the word 'bitch.'"

Making no apologies, co-founder Lori Pacchiano, 36, said she planned to meet with the chamber Thursday. Meanwhile, she and her brother, Ryan Pacchiano, 27, hope to made (nice English) the business name as commonplace in shopping areas as Victoria's Secret.

Over the next three years they hope to open 10 stores at a cost of about $200,000 each.

"Our company is probably the most high-end pet brand in the world," Pacchiano said. "We want to be known for growing from Seattle."

In the process, she said, one of her goals is to reclaim the word in its original meaning, a female dog, as opposed to a derogatory term for a woman.

"Our store is a dog store, but the concept and philosophy is directed specifically toward women," she said.

High-end dog shop's sign raises neighbors' hackles

Saleswoman Kara Tunner applies a dab of glitter to the nose of Suzanne Hansen's Italian greyhound, Annie.

Glitter ? Is this bitch a dancer ?

Hear Boy !

Jasmine The Dog

GIG HARBOR, Wash. - Groomer accused of cutting off dog's ear, then gluing it back on. Holy shih tzu !

A Pierce County woman claims her dog groomer clipped a part of her dog's ear, then tried to cover it up by gluing it back on.

Annie Sherffius says she took her two-year-old shih tzu, Jasmine, to J'Rae's Pet Grooming in Gig Harbor just before Christmas to be groomed.

Nearly two weeks later, Sherffius says Jasmine appeared sick and was howling in the middle of the night.

"And I never heard a dog cry like this. I never did," she said.

She rubbed Jasmine's head to calm her and noticed her ear felt like cardboard. Sherffius grabbed some water to soak the ear and, to her surprise, part of the ear floated way.

Pierce County Sheriff's Office spokesman Ed Troyer explains why this could be treated as a case of animal cruelty.

"If this was an accident and somebody did it, and they were to stop and call the owner and say 'look what happened, I'm sorry,' call a vet, bring the dog, get it treated - that's different than taking glue and gluing the ear back on and trying to hide it." he said.

J'Rae's grooming is now closed. The business shut down a few weeks ago and the building is now empty.

Sherffius' vet told her reconstructive surgery is possible for Jasmine's ear. But Sherffius says she's not interested, because Jasmine has already been through enough.

Investigators say they've talked to the pet groomer, but can't prove anything.

And while the groomer has admitted nothing, she did tell investigators that she's looking to get into a new line of work.

That would probably be for the best.

Groomer won't face charges for dog's severed ear

An unlicensed dog groomer who is accused of cutting off a dog's ear and gluing it back on will not face criminal charges.

The groomer at J'Rae's Professional Pet Grooming in Gig Harbor, was cited last week with operating without a business license. Her case will be presented before a Pierce County District Court judge, said Pierce County sheriff's Detective Ed Troyer.

Anni Sherffius said 2-year-old Shih Tzu, Jasmine, started acted strange after her December grooming session. Sheriffius said the dog's ear it came off when she soaked it with water. A veterinarian suspected the groomer had cut off Jasmine's ear and then glued it back on, Sherffius said.

Troyer said the groomer denied cutting the dog's ear and couldn't be charged because there was not enough evidence. The groomer has left the dog grooming business, he said.

Sherffius said she's happy the woman is no longer in the business.

Jasmine's Ear.jpg

No word on if the ear will be sold on eBay.

Verizon Can't Do Math

Click on the pic to enlarge

Verizon Can't Do Math

Audio Hat Tip: Geek Girl Files

Check Image Hat Tip: Mike

Got Some Time To Kill ?

Bad Example has some great time wasting links !

Now go waste some time.

But only if you're at work.


Found at Bad Example.

Extra The Cat

Extra

Move over Little Twelvetoes.

Extra the kitten has been aptly named by her owners - she has 26 toes that give her a distinct advantage over her naturally climbing moggie mates.

Her human family noticed there was something different with the three-month-old kitten when she started scratching more than other cats.

You would sort of want to wear boxing gloves when you play with her," says Kaelene Gerrard, who lives with her partner Eli Eliu and daughters Mercy, six, and 12-year-old Shardae.

She examined the frisky feline's paws and did a double take at what she found.

"We counted and then recounted but we had it right the first time," she says.

You can't blame them for recounting, they went to public school.

Extra has seven toes on each front paw and six toes on each back paw - instead of the normal five on each.

"Her mum Star is a normal cat but her grandmother had six toes on each paw as well and so does her brother. But we've never even heard of a kitten with seven toes on each front paw," says Kaelene.

"Extra's a good climber and runs really fast.

"We won't have to worry about her too much because she will sure be able to look after herself."

Staff at Glendowie Veterinary Clinic in Auckland say Extra's trait is relatively common and an inherited genetic condition called polydactyly.

Polly ? Polly Dactyly ? We went to High School together ! Small world huh ?

"Cats with this genetic trait are often very placid.

"I have seen some cases, but not too many, with 26 toes. How fast and well will that cat climb?"

Some cat owners say the innermost extra toes on the front paws are often opposable and some use them with quite startling proficiency to manipulate small objects with almost human dexterity.

Others joke that because of that condition their animals are more intelligent, while others feel their pets represent the next stage in feline evolution - the ability to open cartons and cans unaided.

Or wage global Jihad !

In times past, cats with polydactyly were favoured ship cats and were considered to be the preferred familiars of witches.

Richard Simmons - Slap Happy

Slap Happy

You'd Better Not Mess With Richard Simmons, even if you are a six foot one, two hundred and fifty five pound Harley dealer.

Seeing how I was on the topic of Richard Simmons.

From The Smoking Gun.

Simmons Steamer

Simmons Steamer 5 MB Windows Media Player

Hat Tip: Jeff

Peaceful Muslim Father Killed Family For Being Too Western

Riaz family

A father killed his wife and four daughters in their sleep because he could not bear them adopting a more westernised lifestyle, an inquest heard yesterday.
Mohammed Riaz, 49, found it abhorrent that his eldest daughter wanted to be a fashion designer, and that she and her sisters were likely to reject the Muslim tradition of arranged marriages.

On Hallowe'en last year he sprayed petrol throughout their terraced home in Accrington, Lancs, and set it alight.

Caneze Riaz, 39, woke and tried to protect her three-year-old child, Hannah, who was sleeping with her, but was overcome by fumes. Her other daughters, Sayrah, 16, Sophia, 13, and Alisha, 10, died elsewhere in the house.

Riaz, who had spent the evening drinking, set himself on fire and died two days later.

Wait a tic. I thought good Muslims were supposed to stay away from alcohol. Sure, according to the Koran it's fine for good Muslims to kill their families, but drink ?

Clockwise from top left: Caneze Riaz with daughters Sayrah, Alisha and Sophia.
Relatives broke the news to the couple's son, Adam, 17, as he lay terminally ill with cancer at the Christie Hospital, Manchester. He died six weeks later.

Killing them in their sleep. Such a brave Muslim. I'm sure Allah's proud.

Hat Tip: Michelle Malkin

Swordsman's Claim Disputed

The pornographic DVD that was being played in an Oconomowoc apartment doesn't square with a man's claim that he thought he heard a rape in progress before storming into the residence with a sword, a prosecutor said Wednesday.

"Does hearing the sounds of consensual sex under these kinds of circumstances indicate that a crime may have been occurring? Obviously, the Oconomowoc police thought not," Waukesha County Assistant District Attorney Kevin Osborne said.

As for kicking in the door while armed with a sword, Osborne said, "Was that a reasonable response? It's reported that he pounded on the door and kicked it in before the man had a chance to open it. That doesn't appear to have been a reasonable reaction to me."

"If he disagrees, we can take it to trial," Osborne said. "That's why we have trials."

Or you could duel with swords.

Van Iveren's neighbor, Bret Stieghorst, said Wednesday that he believed Van Iveren was doing what he thought was the right thing in kicking in the door to his apartment and didn't care about the charges that were filed, except damage to property.

"He did kick in my door, so he should get charged with that," said Stieghorst, 33, who works full time and is a student at Waukesha County Technical College. "But he really didn't do anything except what he thought was right. I don't know what I would have done in that situation."

But if Van Iveren was attempting to rescue what he thought was a woman in danger he was "obnoxiously late," said Stieghorst, who said he watched the movie between 1 and 2:30 a.m., but Van Iveren did not burst into his apartment until about 11:30 a.m.

When he told Van Iveren that he was going to call the police, Van Iveren ran out the door of the apartment and down the stairs, and Stieghorst said he followed him. It was only when they got to the bottom of the stairs, and Van Iveren ducked into the door of another apartment, that he realized Van Iveren was his neighbor, he said.

Stieghorst, who said he has lived in his small downtown apartment for five years, said he was watching an adult DVD in Spanish called "Casa de Culo." He said the movie has no screaming that would suggest to someone a woman was in danger.

"It's all in Spanish, and I don't understand a word of it," he said. "I only bought it for the hot chicks."

I usually buy porn for the riviting dialog.

Van Iveren, 39, of Oconomowoc, was charged by Osborne last week with one count each of criminal trespass while using a dangerous weapon, criminal damage to property while using a dangerous weapon and disorderly conduct while using a dangerous weapon.

Van Iveren told a reporter Tuesday that he distinctly heard a woman screaming while he was listening to music in his first floor apartment on the morning of Feb. 11. When the screams persisted over an extended period, he concluded that a rape was taking place in the apartment above his, so he decided to intervene, according to Van Iveren.

Van Iveren said he grabbed an heirloom sword, raced up a staircase to the apartment above him and kicked in the door, expecting to find a woman being raped. He said he left after the neighbor showed him that he was alone in the apartment.

Osborne said Wednesday that the case was unusual.

I guess I'd call it a unique set of circumstances," he said.

Gee, ya think ?

Osborne said, though, that it would be a mistake to let Van Iveren off the hook merely because he says he was mistaken.

"You can't just make up an excuse for your behavior and expect to avoid consequences," he said.

Stieghorst said the incident will not change his movie-viewing habits.

"No, way; I'm a man and I'm a normal person," he said. "But I think I will get some good headphones, maybe some wireless ones."

That would probably be a good idea.

Ironic

Severe Weather Drill Postponed Because of Bad Weather

ATLANTA (AP) -- State officials have postponed the severe weather drill planned for today because of bad weather. The drill is now scheduled for Friday.

A spokesman for the Georgia Emergency Management Agency -- Ken Davis -- says the statewide drill is a chance for schools, families and local governments to practice responding to a weather emergency.

The drill is planned as part of Severe Weather Awareness Week.

What Are You Giving Up For Lent ?

I'm giving up hope.

Ninja Tries To Rob Store

Richfield, Minn. police are looking for a man who attempted to rob a Lunds grocery store in Richfield Saturday evening dressed as a ninja.

According to authorities, the suspect entered the store at about 10:30 p.m. dressed in skin-tight black clothing and armed with a samurai-style sword.

The suspect stood in line before he demanded the cashier turn over the money in the register, reportedly waving his sword in the air.

The cashier and other customers inside thought the suspect was pulling a prank. The cashier refused to give the suspect the money and he fled the scene.

Richfield Police were called. They searched the neighborhood for the suspect but he managed to slip away into the night in the manner of a ninja.

Sword-wielding 'ninja' attempts to rob Richfield grocery store

Can't A Guy Enjoy His Porn Without Having His Neighbor Break Down The Door And Wave A Sword In His Face ?

Bret "Monkey Spanker" Stieghorst.



James "Butch Coolidge" Van Iveren

Oconomowoc, Wis. - According to the police report, officers were called to a residence in the 100 block of North Main Street after a man kicked in his neighbor's door and threatened him with a sword. The caller said the subject lived downstairs with his mother.
Police made contact with the neighbor, a 39-year-old man, who told them he heard a woman screaming from upstairs and feared she was being sexually assaulted.
The subject said he grabbed the 39-inch sword, went upstairs and kicked in the door to investigate. He repeatedly asked his neighbor "Where is she?" and made him open a closet, and searched the apartment looking for a woman in distress.
The victim told his neighbor, and later showed police the evidence, that the noise came from a pornographic movie he was watching.
According to the police report, the subject said he got the sword from his father, who had it in the armed forces. There was German writing etched on the blade of the sword.

Video Interview

Porn DVD Screams Prompt Sword 'Rescue'

A man says he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbor was watching.

"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case. "This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake."

According to a criminal complaint, the neighbor told police that Van Iveren pounded on the door and kicked it open without warning Feb. 12, damaging the frame and lock.

"Where is she?" Van Iveren demanded, thrusting the sword at the neighbor, the complaint said. "Where is she?"

The neighbor told police Van Iveren became increasingly aggressive as he repeated the question, insisting that he had heard a woman being raped. The complaint said that, with the sword pointed at him, the neighbor led Van Iveren throughout the apartment, opening closet doors to prove he was alone.

The neighbor later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs.

Van Iveren, 39, of Oconomowoc, was charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct, all while using a dangerous weapon, and is due in court March 5. Together, the misdemeanor counts carry a maximum sentence of 33 months in jail.

Van Iveren said Tuesday that he heard a woman "screaming for help," grabbed the sword, bounded up the stairs, kicked in the apartment door and confronted the man who lived there.

"I intended to hold it behind my back and knock. But I froze and instead, what happened happened," he told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

Contesting his neighbor's account, Van Iveren said he didn't look anywhere in the apartment except the front room, and that he never threatened the neighbor with the sword.

"I had the sword extended. But that was all," he said.

Van Iveren, who lives with his mother in the downstairs apartment, said he did not call police when he heard the noises because he does not have a telephone. He said he barely knew the upstairs tenant.

Police seized Van Iveren's sword, which he said was a family heirloom.

Man, I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. Stupid neighbors.

Blogspot Upgrade

I finally bit the bullet and upgraded to the new blogspot software. It took me a while to figure out how to get the site looking somewhat like it used to. The good news is comments are working again. The bad news is all of the comments that were via halo scan are lost. I'm still working on updating the past posts to the new IP address that was caused by the ice storm that was caused by stupid global warming. I'm also adding labels to the posts. It should make the site easier to navigate. CYA !

Islamic Terrorist Squirrel Diverts Plane !

An American Airlines flight made an unscheduled landing after pilots heard something skittering about in the wire-laden space over the cockpit. The airline blamed the emergency landing of the Tokyo-Dallas flight with 202 passengers on a stowaway Muslim squirrel.

"You do not want a Muslim up in the wiring areas and what-have-you on an airplane. You don't want anything up there, especialy a damned Muslim squirrel !" said John Hotard, spokesman for the Fort Worth, Texas-based airline.

He said pilots feared the Muslim would chew through wiring or cause other problems.

"So, as a precaution, we diverted," Hotard said.

"He was merely conducting prayers !" exclaimed Sheikh Khalid Squirrel.

State and federal agriculture and wildlife officials boarded the plane, set traps and captured the middle-eastern gray squirrel. Fearing it may have been carrying rabies or a bomb, authorities had the Muslim killed.


He is now considered a martyr.

"We, by the grace of Allah, are seeking to exact revenge on behalf of Islam and Muslims from you ! Allah Akbar !" exclaimed Sheikh Khalid Squirrel.

Platypus Cacciatore

Platypus Cacciatore (A traditional Australian favourite.)

1 large platypus, cut into pieces
1 c onions, sliced
1/2 c green pepper, chopped
1/4 c oil
1 md garlic clove
1 lb plum tomatoes
1 tb parsley, chopped
1/2 ts oregano
1/4 ts thyme
3/4 ts salt
pepper, to taste
1/4 lb mushrooms, sliced

Heat oil in large skillet. Add platypus pieces, brown and set aside.

Add onion, green pepper and garlic. Cook until onion is tender. Force plum tomatoes through a strainer. Add tomato liquid, parsley, oregano, thyme, salt and pepper to skillet. Cook over low heat for 15 minutes stirring occasionally.

Add platypus; cover and cook over low heat 45 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add mushrooms and cook uncovered 15 minutes or until sauce is desired consistency.

Enjoy!


Found over at ethics forum: Recipes

B'owl !

Window Media Viewer (5.8 MB)

B'owl is perfect for...

Hey Buddy, Wanna Buy A Crazy Astronaut Diaper ?

Crazy Astronaut Diaper.


Found over at Paul Harris Online.

Hearing On Global Warming Cancelled Due To Ice Storm

HOUSE HEARING ON 'WARMING OF THE PLANET' CANCELED AFTER ICE STORM
HEARING NOTICE
Tue Feb 13 2007 19:31:25 ET

The Subcommittee on Energy and Air Quality hearing scheduled for Wednesday, February 14, 2007, at 10:00 a.m. in room 2123 Rayburn House Office Building has been postponed due to inclement weather. The hearing is entitled “Climate Change: Are Greenhouse Gas Emissions from Human Activities Contributing to a Warming of the Planet?”

The hearing will be rescheduled to a date and time to be announced later.

DC WEATHER REPORT:

Wednesday: Freezing rain in the morning. Total ice accumulation between one half to three quarters of an inch. Brisk with highs in the mid 30s. North winds 10 to 15 mph...increasing to northwest 20 to 25 mph in the afternoon. Chance of precipitation near 100 percent.

Wednesday Night: Partly cloudy. Lows around 18. Northwest winds around 20 mph.

Heh.

Six Explorers Suffocate In Canary Islands Tunnel.

If only there was some way of detecting toxic gases underground...

Stupid Global Warming

Well that stupid global warming dumped ice on us a couple of weeks ago and I was without power or heat for a week. Because of that I lost my IP address when I was finally able to reconnect. Thus none of the links to my images or media files are pointing to the right place. It will take me a while to update all of the content so please be patient.


(Stupid global warming)

I Think We'll All Always Remember...

The day Anna Nicole Smith died.


Found over at IMAO.

President Bush should declare a day of national mourning.

Great Christmas Gift #3

Click on the pick to enlarge.
Easy-Bake Meth Lab !

One Woman, Two Wombs, Three Babies

A British mother could get into the record books after she gave birth to twins and a single baby at the same time -- from two wombs -- in what is believed to be a world first.

Hannah Kersey, 23, gave birth to the rare triplets -- identical twins Ruby and Tilly, and singleton Gracie -- by Caesarean section seven weeks prematurely in September.

She was born with a condition called uterus didelphys, which means she developed two wombs, but doctors had warned her that she was unlikely to become pregnant in both.

Doctors say there are only 70 women in the world known to have become pregnant in two wombs, and this is the first reported case of triplets.

"This is so rare you cannot put odds on it," said Ellis Downes, consultant obstetrician at Chase Farm Hospital in London. "I have never heard of this happening anywhere ever before - it is quite amazing.

"Women with two wombs have conceived a baby in each womb before but never twins in one and a singleton in the other. It is extremely unusual."

Santa Dies In Front Of Kids

Children watched in horror as a Santa Claus collapsed and died as he handed out presents at a Christmas party.

Andrew Robertson, 82, took ill as excited youngsters were being given their gifts.

He was taken to a side room, still dressed in a Father Christmas outfit, and attempts were made to revive him.

But when medics arrived, he was pronounced dead.

Great Christmas Gift #2

Click on the pick to enlarge.

Peepin' Tommy Night-Vision Goggles !

Apocalyse Pony

While we were on the topic of "My Little Pony"...

I love you Apocalyse Pony !

Great Christmas Gift #1

Click on the pick to enlarge.

Hat Tip: Fred

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.
Well, I tried fixing it. I can't understand why the comments aren't working. I'm doing what I can. Please be patient.

For Those That Missed It Last Year: Crazy Christmas Lights !

4.9 MB Windows Media Viewer

Carson Williams of Mason, Ohio lit up his house for the Christmas season in 2005 and synchronized his lights to Trans-Siberian Orchestra's song, "Wizards in Winter." The constant music and flashing of lights annoyed neighbors and backed up traffic. After a traffic accident on December 6, he decided to discontinue the show for this year.

Hat Tip: JC

Is That A Guitar In Your Pants Or Are You Just Glad To See Me ?

A man who was about to leave an Arkansas music shop was stopped by the its owner after he spotted a guitar-shaped bulge in his clothing.

That sounds like a very painful condition.

According to AP, Clifton Lovell, the owner of Guitars and Cadillacs, said he confronted Morgan Conaster, who at first denied doing anything wrong. But Conatser then confessed to stuffing an electric guitar down his pants.

Lovell said the neck of the instrument was in 29-year-old Conatser's pant leg, while the body of the guitar was hidden under his jacket.

He said he didn't intend to call the police after he recovered the guitar, but then he discovered a wireless sound system was also missing.

The police then carried out a hunt for the man and found the stolen equipment in his bedroom closet. Conatser has been charged with misdemeanor theft.

Owner: Man Tried to Hide Guitar in Pants

"I saw him walking out to his pickup truck and the bulges in his leather jacket. I said, 'Hey what have you got there,'" Clifton Lovell said.

He said Conatser, 29, replied, "Nothing."

Lovell pointed toward the unnatural shapes in Conatser's jacket and pants and said, "You've got something."

Conatser then removed a solid body electric guitar from his pants leg and from underneath his jacket.

"The neck of the guitar was almost down to his knee and the back of the guitar was almost up to his neck. It wasn't hard to spot. There was no way he could sit down or get into the pickup," Lovell said.

Pesky Global Warming Causes Snow In Florida

Snowflakes, mixed with rain, fell in Orange, Lake, Seminole and Volusia counties Tuesday night, according to the National Weather Service. Snow shovels were not needed, but some of the white stuff did hit the ground before melting, meteorologists said.

You know what that means...

Hair Cut

Click on the pic to enlarge.

Hat Tip: Fred

Hey ! Even A Dominatrix Has Standards !

"He wanted to go to a motel in the Bronx where I would defecate on him, but I told him I was uncomfortable going to the Bronx"

"I live in a traditional Italian household," she explained.

So traditional Italian households frown upon going to the Bronx but the other part is ok ? Huh. Never knew that about Italians.

Aliens Could Attack At Any Time !

Now Nick Pope (former Ministry of Defence UFO project) joins Paul Hellyer (former Canadian Defence Minister) in warning of pending invasion !

During his time as head of the Ministry of Defence UFO project, Nick Pope was persuaded into believing that other lifeforms may visit Earth and, more specifically, Britain. And he complains that the project he once ran is now "virtually closed" down, leaving the country "wide open" to aliens.

Mr Pope decided to speak out about his worries after resigning from his post at the Directorate of Defence Security at the MoD this week.

"The consequences of getting this one wrong could be huge," he said. And while Mr Pope says that there is no evidence of hostile intent, he insists it cannot be ruled out.

"There has got to be the potential for that and one is left with the uneasy feeling that if it turned out to be so, there is very little we could do about it," he said.

"If you believe these things are extra terrestrial craft then you cannot rule out that what is happening is some kind of covert reconnaissance."

In another incident in 1980 at RAF bases in Suffolk, staff investigated a suspected plane crash after bright lights were reported coming from nearby woods.

They found a kind of lunar landing module standing on three legs which then flew off. The indents it left in the ground were found to emit ten times the normal levels of radiation. Mr Pope said: "These sort of incidents are why I got so frustrated.

That sounds like an Interceptor !


See, as I reminded Paul last year, we have nothing to worry about.

Everyone knows we've had moonbases since 1980 under the command of SHADO (Supreme Headquarters Alien Defence Organisation) !


They have the SID in orbit (Space Intruder Detector) so we can detect when those aliens are, well, intruding !


They have plenty of Interceptors on hand to take out those pesky aliens !

Sure they only have one missle each, but they're really good shots !

If they get by the Interceptors, Sky One will get them !


Sky One is of course launched from sea by the Skydiver making it hard to detect !


And if they manage to get by them, the ever ready SHADO Mobile units are waiting for them on the ground !


Here's a documentary on how
SHADO keeps us safe from the alien menace. (2.4 MB Quicktime)

No need to worry if they get by SHADO, the MIB have it well in hand.

French Troops Almost Fired At Israel Jets

Then they remembered, "Oh right ! We're French !".

Don't Get Fitted For A Burka Just Yet

I feel much better after listening to The Glenn and Helen Show.

Hat Tip: Instapundit

Beijing Issues 1 Dog Per Family Rule

Is that one dog per family per meal ?

The Cliff

Our country just voted to take a step off of the precipice and into the abyss. Let's hope there's a ledge there to catch us. The terrorists won the election today. Watch for dancing in the streets in the Muslim world tomorrow. The Demoncrats won a great victory for Allah tonight. America has forgotten 911. God have mercy on us all.